You see, I realize now that this whole late night shenanigan plot of hiring Conan, firing Conan, moving Jay, moving Jay back etc., was merely a brilliant marketing ploy by NBC. They had us dimwits all along.

The Undisputed King Of Late Night

Let me lay it on you straight from this homeboy who knows connivery when he sees it. The NBC execs aren’t the fools we thought they were. They outsmarted everyone.

Think about it…several months ago weren’t you sick and tired of Jay Leno (if you were even one of his admirers…)? I’ve ALWAYS been a David Letterman fan even when Johnny was still on. For the past few years I’ve stuck by Dave even through his apparent humor loss and the repeated same jokes night after night. Come on, I watched Dave ’cause he’d have something new and even more stupid every night. Now, you can almost predict who will be his guests any given week. I swear he only has a lineup of a couple dozen chosen ones that he’ll have on to “interview” (that is, rehash their old jokes together). A new joke on Monday will be retold all week long until the rerun week starts (which are repeats that just aired less than 60 days ago). Every year the holiday shows themselves are simply replays of previous years. I’m not so sure marriage was the right thing for Dave – he’s gone downhill ever since.

NOT the King Of Late Night

And Conan? Come on, now…He’s a walking, talking, nipple-tweaking human cartoon. A joke if you will – a very, very bad one. I’d rather watch reruns of Peewee’s Playhouse.

As for Jimmy Fallon, he was good at SNL but I don’t think he can handle hosting his own show, but I’ll give him a chance. First week- He Flopped.

So Jay and Conan or Dave and Craig?

NBC thought the same…Jay’s old hat but Dave and Craig are worse. How can we generate interest again and get the CBS audience who are frustrated with Dave and Craig?

Nipple-Tweaking Monkey

Answer: CREATE A MEDIA CIRCUS! We’ll make this wild, off-the-wall decision to move Jay to prime time (which will generate a frenzy in itself – who won’t watch just to see what the hell is going on?) Play like we think Conan has what it takes to take over The Tonight Show (which is actually a brilliant guise to bag a reason to fire Conan – which will itself be another media circus – which in turn creates more viewers). THEN, move Jay back once the viewers are there and make The Tonight Show good again.

Fast Forward: OK, let’s see now, we got the CBS crowd, got rid of the dimwit red-headed monkey-boy and got people to watch Jimmy Fallon! While over at the Dave and Craig camp things are same ol’ same ol’ (I wouldn’t know, haven’t watched either since Jay came back, but I’ll take an educated guess).

Never thought I’d say it, but I am…”I’m in the Leno camp now…I’m sick of Dave.”

To you execs at NBC, kudos for making your well-played out scheme work albeit a very expensive and exhaustive one – to Dave: Might be high time to call it quits – to Craig: Consider divorcing Worldwide Pants – to Conan: Maybe Nickelodeon would be interested in an adult show of your mindless pap (um…maybe not) – and to Jay: Congrats! You ARE the King Of Late Night!

And to Jimmy: Good luck – enjoy it while it lasts.

©dbhewitt.2010.

GASTONIA, NC – If you’re a pizza fanatic and have traveled down Franklin Blvd. in Gastonia recently you surely have noticed that Gastonia’s best pizza parlor – Fuel Pizza (located at Franklin Square) – has changed names. Several weeks ago my disbelieving eyes read the horrifying sign which now hung where the so-familiar Fuel Pizza signboard once stood: GASHOUSE GRILL NOW OPEN.

Instantaneously, I erupted into a cold sweat and commenced to tremble and quake in terror.
“What the #&%@!?”
Shock and panic were the first reactions I recall as I slowly began to regain some sense of consciousness. Impulsively, I began to experience a strong sense of dismay and trepidation about the reality of what this ominous, foreboding omen was revealing to me.

“F-F-Fuel P-P-P-Pizza is gone,” I somehow eventually managed to stammer to my wife.
“Where?” she replied.
I couldn’t answer. Heck, I couldn’t speak (still can’t but that’s another story) so I pointed my palpitating finger in the direction of this demonic harbinger of doom.

“Fuel Pizza’s gone,” she exclaimed.
I nodded albeit in a rather befuddled and mystified state.

She instinctively knew the next step – we pulled in to the parking lot and went in to get the scoop.

Everything pretty much looked the same – automotive motif still prevalent, gas pump intact and stabilized…bar in the same location. Okay, but what about the PIZZA?

Not having the time as we were on our way to an appointment which we were running late for anyway, we couldn’t stay to sample a slice of pie but were determined to figure out just what the #&%@! was going on. So, the wifey (the most coherent, congenial and stable one of us at the time) began to interrogate the first hireling she could corner.

After a nice, calm consultation we were enlightened and subsequently – for the time being – cautiously soothed by the fact that the proprietorship had not changed, only the name and some of the menu items.
Okay, but what about the PIZZA?

We were advised that the Fuel Pizza recipe we had become so enamored with was indeed the same recipe that Gashouse Grill would be using in their menu.

“It’s the same recipe – we’re not changing anything,” we were told.
Hmmm, I thought, sounds fishy to me. We’ll have to wait and see.

So, after paying late dues for my tardy engagement appearance we decided to scrape together the last funds we had and go get us our favorite Whole Engine (green pepper, onion, mushroom, sausage, meatball, pepperoni, mozzarella) and make our verdict.

After a couple nice tall draft beers and 8 slices later the verdict came in.
It wasn’t the same.
Similar, but different. Very similar, actually. What was missing? The dough was the same, the toppings were the same, the red sauce the same, still fresh mozzarella…
Something wasn’t right we both agreed as we went home perplexed.

“I liked it – it was good,” I moped as I tried to convince myself all is not lost. “But something is missing.”
Little Miss Wifey agreed.
“We’ll have to go back and try it again.”

For the next several days and nights I pondered our query. Perhaps it was the name – Fuel Pizza - that was missing. Was it that?
One evening while chopping broccoli it hit me -

“Veggies!” I blurted out from above the chopping block startling the dog and awakening the wife who was asleep on the couch watching Ghost Whisperer. “It’s the vegetables – they’re sliced smaller!” I declared. “Remember before there were large slices of onion that fell off the pizza and we had to eat ‘em with our fingers?”
“Forks, my dear…forks.”
“But yes, I think you’re r..i…g…h…..t,” her words trailed off as she resumed watching with her eyes closed before nodding back off.

So that was it. I’ve solved the case. Now it was high time to go check my hypothesis.

Again, the Whole Engine was ordered this time along with an appetizer and a Hawaiian pie to take home.

“Much better this time, huh?” I coaxed her.
“Yes, dear.”
I could tell she was sincere as we polished off the whole engine plus the appetizer and a couple beers.
The crust was cooked to perfection, the mozzarella was fresh, the leftovers heated up just grand the next day – and the veggies were of ample amplitude.

On appeal, the Gashouse Grill wins. The pizza is the same as it was.
Only the name has changed. Perhaps it was just the loss of a good friend – that rusty ol’ Fuel Pizza sign missing – that was lacking on that first visit.

Either that or we had a skimpy vegetable chopper that night.

Either way, we welcome Gashouse Grill as our new friend and will be re-FUEL-ing (hehe) there again next lap around.

Your favorite pizza? I want to know. Best restaurants around? Tell me…Please!

©dbhewitt.2009.

CHARLOTTE, NC – Fasten your seat belt, check both mirrors, put the cell phone in the glove compartment and now you are ready to commence driving. Get into the habit now because if you don’t, you may be setting yourself up for a ticket.

This past week, North Carolina Gov. Bev Perdue signed into law a bill which forbids drivers of vehicles in the state of North Carolina to text or e-mail while driving. As of December 1st, 2009 any driver caught texting or e-mailing while driving will face a fine of $100 plus court fees. The violation will not add points to your driving record however and an insurance surcharge will not be assessed.

The new law prohibits the use of any technology which provides cell phone access to a camera, e-mail, music, games and the Internet while driving – in other words: Put the cell phone away unless you need to make an emergency call.

READ THE ENTIRE LAW HERE

For once I am in total agreement with the Governor. I have seen too many of my personal friends and acquaintances have accidents and mishaps using a cell phone while driving after they had vowed their safety. One by one, all of them have had some sort of misfortune following a bout with the evil cell phone while operating a motor vehicle. As a matter of fact, one such compadre (a school superintendent who I will not name so as to conceal his identity and himself from any further embarrassment) actually drove off the rural road on which he was driving through a cotton field on his own property and into the side of his own barn where he was greeted no doubt by a herd of his chuckling bovines. Luckily, he escaped with no major physical harm but his ego was certainly damaged and he can’t look his cows straight in the eye anymore.

I want to see the law go another step further and forbid the use of cell phones while driving PERIOD. Put the cotton-pickin’ contraption in the glove compartment for Heaven’s sake and just wait a few minutes to get your cell phone fix. Yes, I hear y’all…What if there’s an emergency? Well, get the phone and call 911. My law would allow 911 calls if they can be proven via phone records.

Operating a motor vehicle is hard enough for most of us as it is much less adding more hazards like snapping phone pics of passersby, e-mailing the most recent viral YouTube video, skipping to Track 7 on the new Tyler Swift cd or simply talking…

A young buckaroo actually said to me the other evening, “I think it’s an okay law I guess…I wouldn’t want to hit a tree and wreck my truck.” No, youngin’, you wouldn’t I said. I guess he didn’t even thing about the possibility of hurting someone else, any stray farm animals, pedestrians, cyclists, hosts of wild animals, wayward hitchhikers…or HIMSELF!

So, please, for the sake of the poor stray canine wandering along the side of the road looking for a place to sleep for the night if not for the sake of someone else, while driving, put the cell phone somewhere within reach but do not use unless in an emergency. For those of you who yourself or a loved one have serious issues with not being able to stop talking while driving, I urge you to check out http://www.zoomsafer.com/, ZoomSafer is a software program that will recognize when your vehicle is moving and will not allow the cell phone to work. It is a highly acclaimed, simple piece of software that just may save your or a loved one’s life. It has been incorrectly referred to as ZoomSafety on national news broadcasts such as CNN and FOX, but is actually named ZoomSafer. Visit the site here.

Just think about it, how would you like to look up and see a herd of cackling cattle laughing at you?

©dbhewitt.2009.

For the better part of two weeks now, all news media – print and televised – has been focused on this Tiger Woods “story”. And now they ask the question to the public, Is your view of Tiger Woods tarnished after his incident on and after Thanksgiving night?

Well, of course! Thanks to no one else except the media! Yes, media, you did your faithful job of reporting the breaking news that someone in Florida hit a fire hydrant and a tree. Then you dwelled on allegations fueled by gossip and rumors which in turn drew all the bugs out from under the baseboard. Are we all enlightened now?

Sure,  this someone was in fact Tiger Woods – a celebrity and the most well-known and highest-paid athlete in the world so people must know all the details right? Wrong. The officials responsible for handling this “case” have already put it all to rest with a $165 fine. Even those in charge are finished. Still, for the media the story is not done. We, the viewers have a right to know more details and stay atop each developing and breaking tidbit of gossip, dirt, rumor and comment that comes along post-hydrant, right?

HERE’S WHAT TIGER SAYS

The gossip tabloids pretty much have that niche covered for those of us who need to know more. Every media outlet doesn’t need to cover all the crap, all the time, over and over. Personally, I don’t care to know. I don’t care to know what my neighbors’ opinion is on the case. Nor do I care about the opinion and comments made by the caller from Nebraska, the bar maid in New York, some disgruntled friend in California who has answering machine messages and wants to cash in, or anybody about anything remotely concerned with Tiger Woods and his alleged affairs be they true or not.

If Tiger had an affair or affairs, so be it. We do not know the details of who, when, why nor will we ever. We also don’t know if perhaps Tiger may have an open marriage, they are swingers, he has an uncontrollable sexual compulsion, or if his wife even knew about these relationships if they did in fact even occur. We’re asking to judge something we don’t know anything about – nor want to. I don’t want to judge Tiger. I just like watching him golf. I think he’s pretty good. I don’t care if he called a girl in California, and I care even less about whether she has the tapes to prove it. I tell you one thing, I do judge the person that makes her personal answering machine tapes available to the public for monetary gain. Hmmm, not much of a friend, I’d say.

So, what have we all learned in the past two weeks? Someone in Florida hit a fire hydrant and a tree – and may have had an affair. Oh, and Tiger Woods is a real human being.

The answer is yes, Tiger’s image is tarnished – he’s not the perfect human – he’s real.

dbhewitt.2009.

Gastonia, NC finally goes Thai!

…..

GASTONIA, NC – Finally, a Thai restaurant in Gastonia, North Carolina! That’s what I thought as I drove down Franklin Blvd. and noticed a large sign that read “Thai House Open Soon” on a storefront in a strip mall. My expectations were not high as I assumed possibly it would be just another take out joint with a smattering of tables so as to call it not a take out but a sit down eatery.

So, a week or so passed and the sign now read “OPEN”. Having just eaten, the little wife and I decided to nix the idea of a duo dinner evening so she did her duty and ran inside to fetch a menu for me to scrutinize and add to my ever-growing collection. Alas, we would forgo our Thai House excursion until the next available evening.

“How did it look inside?” was my query to her upon her return.
“Really nice,” she kindly replied.

See the decor and menu HERE!

So far, so good – it’s already above my expectations.

A couple days later – and after concluding that the menu had indeed piqued my interest and raised expectations up a notch – we headed out for an evening of Thai House.A late weeknight (Monday 7:30-ish it was) found the establishment moderately busy, that is steady but not crowded. Beautiful wood carved decor adorned the walls and interior. A placard at the entrance informed us of their dessert special “Coconut Mango” which prompted the little one to exclaim, “I want Thaat!”
We were promptly greeted and seated at a very sturdy hardwood table – I dislike flimsy hardwood tables – near the sushi bar (which I will review thoroughly at a later date). Several, not one or two, but several very pleasant Thai ladies and gentlemen greeted us and bowed traditionally and we began to peruse our carte du jour offerings. Not being overly ambitious on this initial outing, I opted for an appetizer bowl of shrimp Tom Yum, a traditional Thai slightly hot and sour soup – note slightly (as in, more broth-y), not akin, but related to your traditional Chinese take out hot and sour soup.
Quite delightful. Four large shrimp (perhaps prawns) with shells on (albeit with little flavor) was a perfect compliment to but not overbearing seafood addition to a wonderful broth with mushroom, tomato chunks, lemongrass and a hint of lime.

For an entree, I chose my favorite staple – red curry beef. A good red curry will hasten my return to further my excursion into the depths of the menu on forthcoming visits. I ordered mine “4″ as a 1-5 scale reference to the heat and spiciness of the dish. “Ooooh, you like spicy!” our order taker vociferated. I nodded.Although she expressed desire for a rice dish on the way to Thai House, the little wife ordered Pad-See-Ewe – a soy-sauced noodle dish with broccoli and egg with her choice of pork. She ordered “0″ as she is anti-spicy. Actually, more of the pro-bland right in my opinion, but that’s another story.
Her order arrived (mistakenly given to me) as my Tom Yum was merely half-finished. My red curry soon followed and proper placement of the entrees preceded apologies and more bows.

“This is delicious!” my little noodle lover announced at the first taste. Second taste emitted a fond “…mmm…this is perfect!”
Good, I thought while my taste buds were rejoicing blissfully – it won’t be a problem getting her to come back here soon.

The curry was delectable, delightful and delicious. Thumbs up all the way around. A perfect 4 on the Heat-O-Meter – room for a nice 5 next time. Lots of meat on both entrees – nothing skimped. The creamy, rich, savory curry was exquisite. Got me on a kick of recreating the dish at home for the past three nights!

My homemade red curry beef

And yes, to please the little one we did order the dessert special – she loves her coconut. The sticky rice and mango was excellent and we both agreed we should’ve gotten one for each of us instead of sharing one. Not that the portion was small, but that it was so good!

Congrats to Thai House of Gastonia – highly recommended! Until we return to sample more Thai fare delights, the Zojirushi and I will be working overtime!

Bon appetite! Or, I should say, ทานให้อร่อยนะ!

©dbhewitt.2009.

Archocentus nigrofaciatus (Black Convict)

Thorichthys meeki (Firemouth)

New Life Spectrum

Fish Food

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For Omnivores, Carnivores AND Herbivores? C’mon now…

THIS IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

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You’ve got to be joking, right? I mean I’ve read lots of stuff about feeding fish and all the books and magazines say to feed a varied diet of “quality” flakes, feed sparingly, don’t overcrowd your tank and if you do REGULAR AND FREQUENT WATER CHANGES you will be rewarded with a happy little fish and years of wonderment and fascination in the world of fish keeping. Well, I want to be the best fish feeder around and make my little fish just as fascinated with me as I will be with him so I get the best fish food I can find at the pet shop.

I haven’t been a fish keeper for years but I’ve done my time with a goldfish or two now and then, but now I’m going in headfirst and darn it, I’m gonna serve only the best! I’ve researched what each species eats in the wild, what makes them want to breed (’cause I want to have baby fishies) and what foods make their colors so pretty. I know that carnivores eat meat, herbivores eat vegetables (certainly NOT meat) and omnivores eat anything. I’ve also learned that Lake Malawi cichlids (I told you I was going in headfirst) are strict herbivores that eat algae and that meat will give them Malawi Bloat and will die. So I buy algae wafers and spirulina algae flakes.

Well, my little fishies look pretty nice in their stripes and everything so I know I’m doing a good job. Sometimes I’m even fascinated – they look so pretty.

But now you tell me there’s a better food that all kinds of fish will eat and will look, act and be healthier? You’re full of baloney.

So, there I was…skeptical to say the very least.

However, a few days later I read an article written by a professional fish keeper I respect and he stated that his fish all are fed Spectrum fish food exclusively. Nothing else. Ever. Period. Even his Lake Malawi mbuna.

How can this be I wondered. His fish are show winners. They have to eat algae and algae only. They can’t eat the same fare as plecostomus catfish, pacus, and oscars. But they do he told me. Not only do they eat it but they thrive.

OK, I’m all for trying something new and hey, gotta vary their diet, right? So off I go to the pet shop to buy some. However, apparently the makers of Spectrum don’t advertise much and their product is only available in top-of-the-line aquatic supply shoppes and via the Internet. Well, to make a long story short, I managed to get some and then researched the New Life website on proper feeding directions. The next day I began my month-long exclusive feeding of Spectrum.

Doggone! The fish went bananas! Even the finicky eaters and the juveniles who don’t stray out with the big boys much – especially at feeding time.

In two weeks and after I returned from vacation, I couldn’t believe what I saw! All, I mean ALL of my little fishies (adults too) looked amazing! Colors I didn’t know they had began to gleam. All my mbuna were frolicking together happily, no one was hiding and they all looked, er, healthier than I expected after my absence.

Happy Mr. Labidochromis careleus!

I was told I’d begin to notice improvements in about two weeks. Heck, in two weeks I hardly recognized my Tropheus! After a month I was ready to take them to shows!

Anyway, six weeks on and the improvements are still continuing and my Firemouths (who have tried spawning for 2 years to no avail) have finally succeeded! Not only once, but TWICE in six weeks!

I won’t go into all the details of how and why Spectrum works, their website answers all those questions better than I, but it does! I am a true believer now and yes, I AM fascinated and in wonderment not only with fish keeping and my little fishies, but with New Life Spectrum!

Watch an explanatory video on Spectrum

I encourage everyone who has a fish tank or tanks to get some Spectrum today and feed it exclusively to your fish. Just look at these photos and judge the effects for yourself.

You, too will be fascinated.

Not affiliated in any way with New Life International Inc.

©dbhewitt.2009.