You know what the worst part of a disability is? It’s not the actual disability itself whatever it may be. At least that’s it in my case. It’s the complete loss of the person you once were not only to yourself, but more importantly (again, at least in my case) to others.

You see, I can handle what I’ve been faced with. OK, I can’t walk or talk right anymore. I can’t write my name very well. Simple things like brushing my teeth, holding a fork, writing a check and even speaking are difficult tasks. I struggle to do what I’m able and being a former athlete and respected business man as well as a human man, facing these realities is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. What’s worse is how I’m seen by the world and the people around me. Because of my need for a wheelchair, and the fact that it’s hard for people to understand what I’m saying and therefore, hold a discussion, people tend to avoid me. It’s easier for them.

Hell

My opinions are disregarded. I’m no longer relevant. Shopkeepers and restaurateurs talk to me like I have lost my mental capacity as well. What I say is irrelevant, I have no mind of my own, I’m a pain to you so therefore just toss me aside. Family and friends do the same. Before my disability I was well-respected with a long line of people that I hired and mentored that became highly successful in their own right. I was sought out to speak at universities. I was put in charge of doing things others couldn’t – and succeeded. I faced – and confronted many huge obstacles – and succeeded and failed. I still face the same struggles as any man with a family that isn’t disabled like me. Now, it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone to listen and simply talk to me.

Hey people…I’m the SAME FUCKING PERSON I was before! But my legs just don’t fucking work like yours!

I’ve had to crawl on my hands and knees to get into a non-handicapped accessible restroom. How’s that for fucking degrading? Did I whine and bitch and throw a hissy fit? No, I did what I had to do – and got looked at as if I were the crazy one. If this all sounds like whining to you – so be it. I have to say this.

“Blind leading the blind” I was told by a supposed “family” member as I offered and watched over my father-in-law who is blind and two days short of major cancer surgery while my own wife lay in a hospital bed suffering from pneumonia. I did what I could…human instinct. I still have a mind. Maybe not to your standards anymore, but I still have all my wits. I know how to help and I know how to teach. I don’t know everything, but I know how to share my experiences and help those in need. I ask for no help – I’ll get along fine – I’m the same as you dammit, I just can’t walk or talk right anymore. Sometimes I’d rather stop living this stunted physical life than deal with how I’m perceived by the rest of the world, but no, my mind tells me, do what you know is right – as you have preached to others – and face the facts head-on. That’s what keeps me going. I have others who need guidance and the help I so desperately need and must give as the man I am so I continue – it’s all I have. Take it, berate it, laugh and dismiss it…but you’re also dismissing me as a person. That’s fine if it’s your wish -I’ll deal with it.

Please people, I beg of you, If you care, accept me and my struggles and the same for all others with disabilities. I’d love to be able to throw a curveball like I did before, I’d love to enunciate my words properly. I’d love to be able to take a shower, simply walk or swim in the ocean again, but these things won’t happen, however, I’d love to be respected again…and that is out of my control. That is up to you.

In the words of John Merrick, the Elephant Man, “I am NOT an animal!” I am still me, I have all my wits and I’m doing all I can…please, try to find a small amount of respect for me so that I may feel a wee little bit like some sort of man again.

I beg you.

Adam Lambert on the cover of Rolling Stone

Actually, no I didn’t, in response to the most asked question of the last few days. I have now thanks to all the hubbub the media has created. I couldn’t help but NOT see it. He was on the CBS Morning Show, Late Show with David Letterman, CNN Headline News…I was afraid to click on The Weather Channel for fear of a Severe Adam Lambert Warning.

First of all, if it’s not clear yet, I’m not an Adam Lambert music fan. I am also not an Adam Lambert music hater. His music simply isn’t my taste and I’m certain he could care less about whether I like him or not. He probably wouldn’t like my type of music either.

What seems to be the issue here is his overtly sexually-charged stage show he exhibited on national television – the American Music Awards.

Madonna on stage c.1991

The market is – and always has been – and always will be – full of wannabes and artists who are willing to do anything to sell themselves to make a profit. It’s true: if you want to sell (in this instance, cds, and videos) then you must promote yourself. You, yourself must have the price you are willing to pay for that advertising. Some have more of an idea of what they wish to gain and what they are willing to offer up in exchange than others do. I see this trending downward. Take a so-so song, make a big, shocking theatre about it, add in some personal controversy and walla! You have attention. Attention/Publicity = Sales.

Hold on, don’t get ahead of me, I’m not done yet…

Everyone, in their own profession, must promote themselves in order to gain attention and stand out from the crowd otherwise they’ll remain a bystander or wannabe. This is not necessarily bad. What is bad is the depths some people go to get the attention/publicity – be it positive or negative. Some will hurt others, degrade others, use others or any other sort of scheme or tactic. This is bad. I, personally, do not tolerate nor respect anyone who would use negative tactics against others for personal gain. I don’t care if (say, a musical artist) has a good song, a bad song, or so-so song if he/she has detrimentally used others for publicity.

Janet Jackson on Rolling Stone c.1995

Now, back to Adam Lambert.

Was he promoting himself? Of course he was. He should! Did he hurt others by doing so? I didn’t see it. From what I could tell, those scantily-clad men and women simulating various peep-show scenarios were up there onstage by their own free will. I don’t see them as being hurt. Perhaps they were promoting themselves for a better, future position (pun not intended). Hey, it’s their choice – good or bad.

Parents are voicing their opinions about the soft porn scenes Mr. Lambert and his band of co-horts displayed on network television. To that I say it’s the nature of the business nowadays. We’re not going to see Perry Como or the likes of an Andy Williams crooning solo into a microphone on the AMAs anymore. If you have kids now, you know the nature of the business. Janet Jackson did it, Madonna did it…Elvis did it…the list goes on and as far back as music goes. It’s not going to change. For the times, it’s nothing different from what Elvis did on the Ed Sullivan Show. If parents don’t want their kids to see this, put them to bed and keep ‘em sheltered – don’t complain it was on the television. You should’ve figured it was coming. I’d rather my kids make up their own mind whether they value that type of performance or that kind of artist than me tell them what to watch or not.

The Tubes c.1982

I’m not big on theatrics with music. I prefer to let the music stand on its own. That’s not to say I dislike theatrical music acts. Queen – a very theatrical rock stage act in the 1970′s – was very good, not my favorite but I didn’t dislike them either. The Sensational Alex Harvey Band was another great band from the same time period and was also extremely theatrical as was (and is) Alice Cooper, Kiss and The Tubes. I went through phases where I liked all of these groups a lot. None of them hurt anyone in promoting themselves and I respect them and liked them. So far, I respect Adam Lambert but don’t care for the music.

As for the homosexually inspired gay kiss? Get over it. Homophobes I don’t respect.

To sum it all up, pop music is a rock show. A show. Either like it and watch it or don’t like it and don’t watch it. Don’t try to stop the ever-constant evolution.

I must say, it was a rather catchy song, though.

©dbhewitt.2009.

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